True Takoyaki Confessions
by Quiggibub
Summary: Ranma eats some tainted takoyaki which makes him lose the ability to think silently AND the ability to lie. RA, with hints of others. Rated for language and pervertedness. Author notes added to end of Ch 9 since it was posted.
1. Chapter 1

This is my very first fic. Please be gentle. I nearly failed Composition 100 in college, so don't be surprised if this isn't the greatest piece of literature ever to grace ff.net. I do not own the rights to Ranma ½. I do own the entire anime series, O.V.As, and both movies on DVD. Oh, and all the manga. I'm just a slight fan. This takes place at some point after the anime ends. Pretend the whole Phoenix god thing and failed wedding didn't happen.  
  
True Takoyaki Confessions  
  
"Damn that Shampoo! Damn my stomach! I'll be lucky to survive the night! That takoyaki was tasty, though. If that cute tomboy of mine finds out about this, I might as well...wait a sec...cute? That's it. I'm gonna die..." Ranma was mumbling to himself as he walked back to the Tendo dojo. He was returning from a rather, shall we say, tragic free meal at the Nekohanten.  
  
Flashback  
  
"Nihao! Welcome to Cat Café, please take seat and...airen!" squealed Shampoo. She promptly gave Mousse the order she was carrying and glomped onto Ranma, who immediately started to wiggle free. 'Thank god Akane went straight home. I don't really feel like being pummeled right now,' Ranma thought.  
  
"Today is very special day. I make too too delicious takoyaki for Ranma to try. If he likes, we add it to menu! You will try, yes?" asked Shampoo in the most impossibly cute voice she could muster. Before she could turn around to escort her beloved "husband" to a seat, Ranma was sitting at the bar area with a napkin and a pair of chopsticks in hand. "You wait right there and I bring out order!" With that, she went into the kitchen. She emerged about five minutes later carrying a plate with three of the biggest takoyaki Ranma had ever seen. He dug right in as soon as she set the puffs down. A minute later, and they were completely devoured.  
  
"Wow Shampoo! Those were GREAT! I knew you were a great cook, but you out did yourself this time! Wait a minute...you didn't do anything...funny...to them, did you?" A feeling of terror started to slowly creep into Ranmas mind. He had been drugged before by Shampoo. Last time it was the suggestion mushrooms. They made him hug Akane several times, and he got smashed for it. He really didn't mind hugging Akane, but he couldn't let her know that. She would've just called him a pervert and hurt him more.  
  
"_I_ no drug takoyaki. Great Grandmother did! It not too bad, though," Shampoo tried to reassure Ranma. "It should be working by now! Let's see if it is..."  
  
"Damn it! I knew there was something wrong! What did you do, Shampoo? And give me the antidote NOW!" Ranma was yelling as loud as he could.  
  
"You see what happens very soon. Now, I ask you question. Why you no marry Shampoo? You in love with violent pervert girl?" Shampoo asked.  
  
"Well yeah, but there's no way I'm gonna tell anyone that...what the hell? Did I just say that? I meant to just think that! AAAAAHHHHHH! Why am I doing this! Damn you Shampoo! What did you do to me?!?!" Ranma screamed.  
  
"I need to know truth, so I asked Great Grandmother to make a truth potion to put in food. She said you would find a way around the potion and decided to put in an ingredient that make you speak what you think. It seem to be working, too..." Shampoo explained. She knew that Ranma loved Akane and not her; she just hadn't expected it to hurt so much when she heard it from Ranma's own mouth. "And I don't have antidote. I already gave it to Akane. Now go. I have to talk with Great Grandmother." As she said those words, she started to tear up.  
  
Before Ranma noticed the tears, he was out the door and running home.  
  
End Flashback  
  
"Gotta get the antidote from Akane! Oh no...if Akane already has the antidote, then she must know what...what if...crap! Gotta keep mind occupied. Pretty nice day out! La la la la la la la la la! This is gonna suck! Akane wouldn't ask me anything bad, would she? Of course not! I mean, it's not like she really wants to know the truth, right?" Ranma was trying to convince himself that the situation couldn't possibly be as bad as he first thought. It wasn't working. "Who am I kidding? She's going to ask something, I'm going to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, and that'll be it. Dead. Oh well, at least Kasumi should be done with dinner by the time I get home. That might buy me some time. I hope." By now, Ranma was in a full panic and the dojo was just ahead. Akane was waiting by the entrance. "Oh crap oh crap oh crap! Well, might as well get this over with." Ranma stopped right in front of the entrance. He was terrified. Akane was smiling.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Well, how'd I do? Like it so far? Hate it? I have the rest of the story outlined, it's just a matter of writing it. I should update fairly soon. I'm on dialysis, so I'll probably only update when I don't feel like a pile of... well let's just say it might be sometime next week. Until then, read and review!


	2. Chapter 2

I'm so sorry for the long delay in getting this chapter out. I've been having some health concerns that kinda had me distracted. Oh yeah, I still don't own Ranma ½. Most likely never will. Thanks to gryphnwng for making some adjustments before I posted. I love my pretty head! Anyway, on with the story.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Normally when Ranma saw Akane smiling, he thought she was cute and in a good mood. A genuinely happy Akane usually meant a happy, healthy Ranma. This smile was different. He couldn't tell why it was different, but he knew he was in trouble.  
  
"Gee Akane it sure is a nice day to day ain't it well I'm gonna go inside and see what Kasumi is making for dinner now so bye!" Ranma quickly ran past Akane and started to sprint to the door.  
  
He almost made it inside when he heard Akane say the six most terrifying words in human speech. "I'm in charge of dinner tonight!" Ranma froze. "Kasumi was invited to a cooking competition after one of the main competitors served some bad blowfish. Since you weren't here, dad went to protect his 'little girl'. Your father went for the free food and Nabiki...well Nabiki isn't here..."  
  
"You mean to tell me we have the entire place to ourselves! All right! I mean...it's about time! No! What I mean is we're alo...arrrrgh! Wow. You must be either reeeeeeeeeeeally cold or very excited because...oh crap!" Ranma suddenly covered his head expecting to be smashed into the ground.  
  
"You pervert! How dare you stare at my chest!" Akane quickly hid her perkiness with her left arm while her right fist was clenched tightly and about to accelerate into its familiar impact spot on Ranma's jaw.  
  
"Aw, come on Akane! Why the hell would I wanna openly stare at your cute little ahhhhhh! I like fish! They like me! I'm about to hit a tree!" Akane's fist stopped before it made contact. "I'm going to go to the dojo now so I don't look like a flippin' idiot in public. I hope Akane isn't mad at me. Wait a minute. I haven't done anything wrong here! It's all Shampoo's fault! But, why would she help Akane? Grrrr...I hate thinking out loud." Ranma finally entered the dojo, leaving a stunned Akane behind.  
  
'Did he just call my chest cute? He didn't insult my cooking at all? Did Shampoo's trick actually work? I guess there's only one way to find out. This should be fun!' Akane thought as she lowered her arms and followed Ranma in the dojo.  
  
"Oh hi Akane. I'd really like it if you would just give me the antidote for whatever it is that Shampoo gave me. I know you have it because she told me you do. Please, I'll do whatever you want as long as it has nothing to do with eating your cooking! Well, maybe I could choke down a riceball or some instant ramen...although I'd rather nibble on ohmygodthereIgoagain!" Ranma started to panic again. "That was close. Why don't I just cover my mouth! How dumb can I be?" He quickly clamped his mouth shut.  
  
"It's about time you figured that out. However...since you did that..." Akane started to grin evilly, "Oh no. I seem to have forgotten what type of tea you need to drink with the cure. And I just remembered that drinking the wrong one would make the poison's effect permanent. Such a shame too..." Akane just stood still while grinning and staring at Ranma, who began to scream into his hand.  
  
"Hmphmrbl grtsbmny! Grtnbdfrk! Ngfud!" Ranma uncovered his mouth. "Why are you doing this to me!? Why is Shampoo helping you? What do I have to do to get the cure? Do we have any history homework tonight? Why the hell did I ask that? Could it be I care about school? Why didn't she hit me when I noticed her chest?" Akane put her finger to Ranma's mouth to shut him up. Suddenly, the talkative martial artist was silent.  
  
'I guess he really does like it when I touch him gently' she thought. "Now Ranma, I'll ignore the fact that you complimented me unintentionally. Right now, I want to play a game. I'll ask you a question and you'll give me an answer while sitting on your hands. After you give me an answer, I'll write down an ingredient or a step in the cure. I might even let you ask a question. Shall we begin?" Akane then removed her finger from Ranma's mouth.  
  
"Her finger smelled like that nice smelling lotion I borrow oops I mean since it doesn't look like I have much of a choice I guess I'll do it. What kind of questions do you have? I hope it's not anything too bad because I really don't want you to know that I la la la la la la that was close again! Oh great, now she thinks that I wait a sec, I wonder if I can use any of my martial arts training to have a silent mind. Silent mind equals silent mouth which equals a happy and less embarrassed me! Let me try...flowers...trees...trickling stream...damn it's not working. Tranquil is not the same as silent. Well, guess I'm screwed. C'mon, let's get this over with." Ranma said in a defeated tone.  
  
"It's about time!" replied Akane as she reached behind her and pulled out a list. "I spent most of today asking people questions they'd like you to answer. Now remember, no lying...oh yeah. That's right. You can't lie!"  
  
Ranma gulped. "I am going to die."  
  
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Sorry it's so short. I promise the next update will be longer. I have some questions written down, but if you have some, please share. I'll try to put in some of the more interesting ones (or ones I can write a funny response to) It'll make for a longer story. I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again, but it will be as soon as I can. Hopefully in about 2 weeks. 


	3. Chapter 3

I'm sorry for the delay! I've been a little busy with other things, but here's chapter three. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine.  
  
"Now Ranma, why do you think you would die?" Akane asked with a slight hint of sarcasm in her voice.  
  
"Well, you know. If I say something the wrong way or give an answer you don't like, you'll cream me with your mallet. By the way, where does she keep that damn thing? All the places I can think of sound kinda painful. Maybe there's a trap door in the back of her head and there's a hollow space in her brain where she keeps it. I like martial arts. I'm gonna make Shampoo pay for this. What's the first question?"  
  
'Wow, his mind really wanders...' Akane thought. "Before I ask MY questions, I have some questions from a few friends at school." Akane holds up a brown paper bag.  
  
"You went around asking people for questions? Are you some kind of sadist? Is that why she hits me all the time? Where the hell did that word come from? Maybe I know big words and just never use them?"  
  
"Just think of it as revenge for calling me a gorilla, a mule, flat chested, tomboy, uncute, weakling, stupid, and a bunch of other things in front of our friends. Now, question number one is from..." She reaches into the bag and pulls out a slip of paper, "Daisuke."  
  
"Phew. This shouldn't be too bad."  
  
"Ranma, why won't you let me touch them? Since you're a guy it shouldn't matter, right? Wow, he's as big a pervert as you!"  
  
Ranma was silent for a full minute before speaking calmly, "A guy shouldn't go around asking another guy to feel his chest. And when I'm a girl, I'm still a guy. It's wrong to ask a girl to feel her chest unless you're dating." His voice suddenly took on a disgusted tone, "And there is no way in hell I'm going to date...yuck! He's already seen Becki and Stacy enough times...son of a bitch! Now everyone's going to know I named them! I can't be the only one that named their body parts, can I? Of course not! Ryoga has his P-chan, so it must be kinda common, right?"  
  
"Gross, Ranma! I didn't need to hear that!" Akane scribbles the word water on a sheet of paper. "Well, ewwwww. Are you ready for question number two?"  
  
"You mean to tell me you're going to put down water as an ingredient in the antidote! That isn't fair Akane! You found out I named my girl forms chest and all I get is water?!" Ranma was pissed.  
  
"The question was only why you wouldn't let him touch your chest. You said the other parts on your own, so it doesn't count."  
  
"You sound just like Nabiki!"  
  
"Well, she is my sister."  
  
"Do I get to ask a question soon? There are a few I've been wanting to ask you for a while now...I mean I'm just curious if you...how do I do this without being killed?"  
  
"Not yet. There are loads more questions to ask. The next one is from..." She reaches into the bag and pulls out a tiny crumpled piece of paper. "Oh yay. Kuno," she said in a bland voice. "Dear Ranma, Why do you feel you must imprison both the fair Akane Tendo and my darling pigtailed girl? Are you truly that insatiable? On that note, what is it like having both of them as your love slaves? I probably should've screened these, huh?" Surprisingly, Akane didn't seem angry. On the contrary. She seemed almost eager to hear Ranma's response.  
  
"Next time I see him I'm going to shove that stick of his so far up his...now calm down Ranma. Remember, Kuno is an idiot and doesn't know any better." Ranma's voice was nice and calm. "Besides, he'll stop pestering me and Akane now that he has Nab...Nabisco makes some great cookies!" He was now flustered. "Yup, they sure do. Oreos are my favorite. I really don't think Akane's buying it. Well, now I'm going to be in debt for life. Yippee! No, wait. That's bad."  
  
To call Akane shocked would be to call Atlantis damp. "You mean to tell me he...and HER! Nab...Nabiki! When! Where! How!?"  
  
"If I tell you will you put down more than one step in the antidote process?"  
  
"Yes!" Akane screamed.  
  
"Yesterday, after phys ed, she asked him. Now start writin'!"  
  
Akane scribbles 95 grams of lotus root, 70 grams of ginger.  
  
"I hate lotus root! Oh well. When can I ask a question? I've already told you way more than I should've and I just found out I have to eat one of my least favorite foods."  
  
"I guess you can ask one question. I don't have to answer it if I don't want to, though"  
  
"Now's my chance! I can ask her if she would've wanted to go through with marrying me when the old freak was about to die, who taught her that mallet trick, if I can kiss...Kiss has been around for a long time, haven't they? Nice going. Reeeeeeeeeeal smooth. There's no way she didn't hear that! Now she's going to think I'm just a pervert or something. Well, it's out in the open now. At least the old man isn't around for this. Oh no, Akane's smiling! That means either she's veeeeeeeery angry or she...no, that can't be it! She can't like what I asked, can she? Why am I still not dead?" Ranma was stammering. His red shirt was now glued to his chest with sweat.  
  
"Yes, Kasumi, sure, Kiss is eternal, and I don't exactly hate that you were thinking about asking me that..." Akane paused, then resumed talking to a very nervous Ranma, "Now, I'm not sure what question you wanted to ask. Since I'm sure you're too nervous to remember my answers, pretend I didn't hear any of the questions. With that being said...what was it you wanted to ask me?"  
  
All done for this chapter. I'm soooooooo sorry I took this long. There's been, for lack of a better word, issues. I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again, but I promise I will update as soon as I can! 


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to all those who reviewed! An idea for an eeeeeeeevil question popped into my head, so I had to write this down. This will be a shorter than normal chapter, which means only one or two questions will be asked, but it should be worth it. And I still don't own Ranma ½ or anything related to it unless you count the things available to the general public with less than $50 in their bank accounts.

"What did I want to ask? I mean, there are a lot of things I want to ask, but I don't wanna get hit for asking. Well, I kinda did ask her if I could kiss her and I'm not flying through the air yet, so I think that'll be my question. I mean, you are my fiancé after all. If we do get married, in order to produce an heir to the Anything Goes School, there's going to be kissing involved along with..."Ranma was suddenly cut off by Akane who was flapping her arms so wildly that they were threatening to detach.

"Stop right there, Ranma! We never officially agreed to the marriage...oh wait yes we did." She started to calm down. "Well, if for some reason you decide to ask me on an official date, then yes, you could kiss me. In fact, we've been engaged for how long now? Two years? Three years? And there has been no intentional, ummmmmm, touchy feely stuff between us the entire time." Akane was puzzled. Just how long _had_ he been living with her?

"Well you did try to make that soufflé...thing...to celebrate me and pop bein' here for two years. When I first arrived, we were freshmen, and now we're...hey! What the hell's goin' on here! I've been here for at least three years, but we haven't moved up a grade? What gives? Even Bart Simpson passed his final exam for his grade! Where the hell did that reference come from? Anyway, ever since I came here, it seems like time doesn't matter!"

"You're right, for once. Let's just pretend that doesn't matter for now because wondering about it is not going to make it any better. Now I have a question of my own. Just out of curiosity, who is the better kisser? Mikado or Shampoo?"

Ranma screamed until his entire head turned purple. When he stopped screaming and caught his breath, he was visibly shaken by the question. "I had Shampoo give me that shiatsu head bonk thing so I would forget all about that horrible, soft, passionate kiss from Mikad...you tell one person what I just said and I swear I will fry P-chan the next time he wanders over here! I really hope he doesn't come around for a while. He's probably still over at Ukyo's anyway. Oh no. Yup, that Mr. P reeeeeeeally likes Ukyo. And from what I saw yesterday, she reeeeeeeeeally likes Ryo...P-chan! She likes P-chan! Listen Akane, yesterday I went to Ucchan's for a snack, and walked in on your pet and Ukyo trying to devour each other's faces. But it's not what you're picturing!"

Akane's face was green.

I know it's short. It's easier to get out chapters this way. I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again, as I'll be busy for a while. I just wanted to get this out in the meantime.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I had it in my dream once, but when I woke up I no longer had it. Damn dream pixies... Anyway, on with the story.

* * *

"Ukyo...bestiality...ewwww...P-chan?" Akane covered her eyes and started shaking her head violently. "No! No! No! No! No! No! No! My poor baby..."

"I told you it's not what you think! Why are you always jumping to conclusions like that? Oooo jiggly! Good, she didn't hear that! I can live! I told you Ryoga was probably still at Ucchan's and that I saw Ukyo and your pet trying to swallow each others faces. You can't go from point A to point B?"

"You said my pet was being molested by Ukyo while Ryoga is there? Why the hell doesn't he stop her?" Akane was still furious.

"Are you retarded or just stupid? Look Akane. Ryoga and Ukyo reeeeeeeeeeeeeally like each other. P-chan hasn't been around here for a while and I said your pet and Ukyo were kissing. Ukyo and Ryoga like each other. Do you see what I'm trying to say here?"

"Ukyo is cheating on Ryoga with P-chan?" Akane was confused.

"Did Nabiki really get the last of the brains in the family? Listen again you dimwit! I told Ryoga I wouldn't spill his secret. How the hell do I tell Akane about P-chan and Ryoga without blowing it? I got it! Ryoga is cursed. I can't tell you what that curse is, but let's just say Ryoga changes into a little black pig when he gets wet with cold water. That's why P-chan and me don't get along. Oh great. Real smooth, Ranma."

"Are you trying to tell me that...Ryoga...and P-chan...are brothers?"

"No! God your head is as thick as your beautiful toned smooth sexy thighs... Damn it! That came out wrong! Let's see...you are so not uncute! Why is there no mallet impact yet? Didn't I just call her uncute? No! I said not uncute! Not and un cancel each other out, so I just called her...eep!" Again, he was panicking.

"What was that about me being not uncute?"

"Hmm? Oh, that. Well, you aren't as cute as you are clueless about Ryoga being P-chan, but I think you are very cute in a tomboyish kind of way. That doesn't make any sense. How can someone be a tomboy and cute at the same time? Ukyo can be either cute or a tomboy, but not simultaneously. Akane pulls it off perfectly though. Is that why I'm so attracted to WATER! I sure seem to be a magnet for water, don't I? Yessiree! Wherever I go, there seems to be either a bucket or a spillway or that damn lady who cleans her sidewalk. And you seem to have a kettle wherever we go. Where does she hide that? Maybe in the same place as her mallet. She's almost as good as Mousse at hiding..." Ranma was silenced by Akane who put her hand over his mouth. Well, more like Akane punched Ranma in the mouth.

"Ryoga IS P-chan! And you didn't tell me?! How could you?!"

"She hits harder than Ryoga when she's pissed. Well, I promised him I wouldn't flat out tell anyone since it was kinda me who accidentally pushed him into the cursed spring. If any of his enemies found out he turned into a black piglet when wet, he'd be dead by now. And since he'd pass out whenever he saw something he wasn't supposed to, I figured you were safe."

"Well, now that I think about it, you did leave plenty of hints. I should've known you didn't call him 'bacon bit' or 'pork butt' because he liked pork so much. I'm happy for Ukyo. Besides, this means one less person trying to take my boyfr" Akane quickly threw both hands over her mouth and her cheeks started to burn. 'Oh no! Why did I have to say that? Stupid stupid stupid!' Hoping Ranma didn't notice, she scribbled the next component of the cure down. Unfortunately, Ranma's sense of hearing was excellent.

"Did she just call me...no I must've heard wrong. There's no way she'd say it out loud like that! But then why is she blushing? She doesn't have a cold or allergies, does she? Oh, hi Kasumi." Kasumi was standing in the doorway holding a plaque. "Kasumi! What are you doing back so soon? How long has she been standing there? What did she hear? I'm hungry. I guess she did good at the competition. If she's back, then where is the old man and Mr. Tendo? Why is she blushing? What's that on her finger...oh. It's a ring. But she doesn't wear jewelry. Maybe she wore it for the competition? But that doesn't make any sense. Why would she wear a ring when it'll get mucked up while cooking? Something isn't right here." Ranma's brain was working overtime but it wasn't accomplishing much. Akane was too busy regretting almost calling Ranma 'her man' that she didn't notice the ring on her sister's hand. A blushing Kasumi finally spoke.

"I have good news! I placed second in the competition. I had a chance at first, but the eels we were given were a little too greasy, so my dish turned out not quite as well as it should have. But that's no the only news I have..." Kasumi seemed to be searching for words at the moment.

Akane was ecstatic. "That's great Kasumi! I knew you were a great cook, but for you to place second in a competition is wonderful! By the way, be careful what you say around Ranma. Shampoo drugged him and he has no internal monologue. On top of that, he can't lie. Here, watch this!" Akane grinned again. "Hey Ranma? Who is the cutest girl in your opinion?"

"It's a tie between your sister and you. Hey! That's not fair! Please don't get angry or hate me! Kasumi is very cute, she just hides it with her clothes! Dr. Tofu has no idea what he's missing. But I have a thing for tomboys too! Argh! I haven't done anything to deserve this! I have to find a way to get even, but not now. Hey Akane, if you mallet me and knock me out while you make the antidote, I promise to eat your cooking for a week! And I won't complain! Please? I won't let anyone know you called me your man! Oh no." Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome were in the doorway behind Kasumi, each holding a bottle of sake. This was not good.

* * *

I realize some people may be a little OOC, but oh well. I'll try to update again soon! I wrote this while taking Lortab after a minor surgery, so I apologize for any spelling errors or if I used the grammar of a second grader. 


	6. Chapter 6

I'm back sooner than I thought I'd be! Hooray for me! As for you people who feel Akane is being cruel to Ranma, I'll get to that. It may be a little extreme, but Akane never was one to go easy on Ranma. Speaking of Ranma, I still don't own it. If I owned it I would have given both the anime and manga series more closure. And Ryoga would've ended up with Ukyo. Period. On with the story. I like my jubjub.

* * *

"Did you hear that, Shaotome? My little girl finally admided she likesh your son. Finally our two school will become uniteded!" Soun was obviously a little tipsy from sake.

"After Ranma and Akane produce an heir, my wife will have to asept that her son is a manly man! I'll be able to keep my intestines and life in one pieces!" Genma, who was surprisingly human at the time, was seemingly more intoxicated than his friend.

"All I have to worry about is Nabiki now..." Soun started to turn on the waterfalls, "All my little girls are leaving me! I knew the day would come, but I never thunk it would all happen so fasht!"

Genma tried to reassure his friend, "There there Tendo. Let's drink some more in the tea room and settle your nerves over a nice game of shougi!" With that, the two drunken fathers stumbled their way to the house.

"Kasumi, what did our dad mean by 'all my little girls'? And why were they celebrating so much over a cooking competition?" Akane had a confused look on her face, but Ranma was a little quicker.

"You didn't wear that ring for the competition! It all makes sense now! Your ring, the blushing, the fumbling for words, the drunken fathers...you got engaged, didn't you!" Ranma seemed excited at his conclusion, which made Kasumi blush even more.

"Yes, Dr. Tofu proposed to me on stage as I accepted my award. He told me he acted so goofy around me all the time because he wanted to ask, but never got up the courage," Kasumi practically whispered. "He had to give himself a mild sedative so he wouldn't go berserk again."

Akane slowly processed this information, then glomped onto her sister. "I'm sooooooo happy for the two of you! I knew it was just a matter of time! Congratulations!"

Ranma got up from his spot on the ground to give Kasumi a hug too. "I didn't think he had it in him! If he was this goofy just trying to ask, I don't want to be around for he wedding night!" This caused Kasumi to gently slap Ranma on the cheek. "It's not my fault! Blame Akane, she's the one who did this to me!"

Kasumi spoke gently, as always, "Even so, what me and my husband do on our wedding night is..." her blush reaching new shades of red, "well, none of your business. Akane, why are you doing this to poor Ranma? I don't think anything he would do can warrant this, right?"

"You weren't here earlier this morning!" Akane started to get defensive. "The old letch decided to pull off a panty raid. Ranma caught him and wanted to teach him a lesson. He doused the new collection with kerosene and torched it!"

"But I'm always doing that! It works! The freak goes away for a few days all depressed and comes back acting like it ever happened! I don't know what you're complaining about. I did you a favor by getting rid of him and this is how you repay me? A thank-you make out session would be much when will I lear..." Ranma finally did it. He admitted he would've enjoyed kissing Akane. And in the process, earned a slap to the cheek.

"The collection was my entire supply of underwear!" Akane was screaming. Calmly she added, "Not to mention about half of Shampoo's."

"Whoa, check out the mood swing...I wonder if it's her time of the DAY WHERE we eat dinner! I was about to ask out loud if Akane was having her girlie time. I just did that, didn't I? I'm really not too bright, am I? Even I know it's very rude to ask if a girl is having her, ummmmmmm, cycle. Besides, I already know the answer to that. I know she is. Well, at least she can't kill me any more than she's already going to. It's hard to kill something after it's already dead. Kinda like kicking an unconscious Happosai. It's just not gratifying. Well Akane, Kasumi, I give you permission to slap, mallet, kick, or just plain beat me for asking such a rude question. Maybe I'll get lucky and you'll rewire my brain instead of taking Akane's antidote, which I'm sure is going to be toxic. Shut up brain! You must be suicidal! You know how sensitive Akane is about her cooking! But it's a good thing you have such strong survival instincts. Akane's cooking may not kill the mind, but it does lots of damage to the body. Without the body, you have no reason to work...I said shut up! You must be trying to get me killed!" Ranma gave his head a good thwap. "Owwwwww. That'll teach you! No it won't. I'm not hitting me...you...my head again!"

Akane and Kasumi just stared at the pig-tailed martial artist in awe. Ranma kept arguing with himself before Akane realized what he had said. 'How did he know I'm having my period? Only one way to find out.' "Hey Ranma, before me and Kasumi slap you for being so rude, how do you know I'm going through...that?"

Ranma released the death grip on his head. "Well, after living here for more than two years with three women, my female side has kinda gotten in synch with the three of you. I've also realized your behavior changes. Nabiki tends to be more inflexible with her bargaining, Kasumi actually speaks her mind, and you try to cook something. That's when me and Pop try to run away...I mean go on a training trip! We don't like being screwed over by Nabiki or poisoned by your food."

'Why that nasty little...! Wait...his female body is in synch with me and my sisters'? That means...' Akane decided to ask Ranma a question she _knew_ would make Ranma squirm. "Hey Ranma. You said your female form is 'in synch' with ours, right? What does that mean exactly?" Akane knew it was wrong to ask, but she just liked making Ranma uncomfortable. Besides, he asked the same thing practically. Well, he didn't mean to but he thought it! That's just as bad, right? Akane started to almost regret asking.

"Well, when the old ghoul hit the cat's tongue pressure point, I was stuck as a girl. I noticed something was very very wrong with me going into the second day, when I was taking a cold shower. I asked Dr Tofu what was wrong, and he explained...things...to me. Damn father never explained ANY of that stuff. If he did, I would've been a lot less embarrassed about it. Anyway, when I got home, all I could find was an empty box of...supplies. I still can't call them by name! I asked Kasumi to get some more and to keep it a secret from everyone, especially my dad. Since then, I've been paranoid around cold water during that section of the 'glandular timeline'." Ranma still couldn't bring himself to call it by the normal name. He was a guy, after all. Guys weren't supposed to have periods, so he couldn't call it that. All it is is a defect with HIS body.

'Well, if he uses his female form to mooch free food off of vendors, it's only fair he gets all the added strains that go along with it.' Akane couldn't feel sorry for Ranma. Neither could Kasumi, who decided to leave the two little lovebirds alone.

"I'm going to go and start on dinner now. Dr. Tofu is coming over to announce our engagement to the whole family. Have fun, you two! And Akane, I really think you've tortured Ranma enough. I know he burned your underwear, but we can always get more." With that, Kasumi exited the dojo.

* * *

There, all done for now. Thanks to all the reviewers! I'll update again when I get around to it. If not soon, then probably in a month or so. It all depends on when I feel inspired again or come up with something good. I'm not sure if we'll see P-chan or not. Please R&R!

P.S. I JUST had an idea for our little piglet. We will see him after all, and Akane WILL get revenge. Ryoga will wish for just a mallet to the cranium after Akane's all done. Hee hee.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm back! Yippee! I don't own Ranma ½. If I did, this wouldn't be fan fiction. It would be "what actually happened fiction". On with the story. Poor P-chan. BTW: cranium head bones (not counting jaw or teeth) skull.

* * *

"Oh boy! Dinner! While I eat, I can't talk! When I don't talk, I don't embarrass myself! I can't wait. Kasumi makes such great food. Might as well enjoy it while I can. If she moves in with Tofu, I'll end up training Nabiki how to cook, or maybe even my fiancé. I hope Ryoga gives my book back. I think Dr. Tofu might want to study it thoroughly before the wedding night time is almost here! Can you believe it?! In a few short hours the sun will be gone and the moon will be out and dinner will be all done and the crickets will be, ummmmmm, cricketing, and I'll take a bath then go to sleep and..."Ranma was obviously trying to make Akane ignore the book part, and she saw this.

"You have a book? I've never seen you voluntarily read anything more difficult than a manga. What's it called?" Akane was curious. If he hated reading in school so much, why would he want to read outside of it?

"Uh, well you see, it's not really mine. It's my fathers. I found it one day while looking for the Pocky he stole from me. He was trying to teach me something about being too used to yummy things. Back when he was training he was lucky to have pickled radishes, or so he says. I don't really remember because after I found the Pocky, I immediately hid it in the gardening supply closet, where he would never ever look for it."

"Stop trying to change the subject Ranma! What was the name of the book?" Akane wasn't angry yet, just a little annoyed.

"..." Ranma blushed and mumbled something, but it was too soft for anyone to hear.

"Could you speak up please?"

"Anything Goes Marital Arts Special Manual # 2: Dance of the Flashing Fingers to Flying Trapeze Mount." Ranma's blush continued to deepen.

"Marital...you have a book?! About THAT?! Why would Ryoga...no! They can't! They may be dating, but they're not married! Ukyo would never do such a thing!" Akane was ranting as fast as her tongue would allow.

"Would you stop thinking like that? Ukyo and Ryoga would never ummmmmm...practice the Flying Trapeze Mount or anything like that, but there are plenty of other things that can be done while not doing _that_. With my knowledge of the Chestnut Fist, I'm sure I can combine its speed with some of other techniques in the book. Why am I thinking about _that_? I mean, I've read it cover to cover out of boredom one day and I'm sure I'll have nothing to worry about when it comes time to have fun. I'm sure you'll be able to withstand ohmygodAkane'sgonnamalletme! Now she really does think I'm a pervert!" Ranma started to back up into the corner farthest from Akane.

"You have ONE second to start talking about something else!" The color on her face was the result of both being embarrassed that there is a special manual about, well, you know, and the fact that it sounded like Ranma had considered Akane as a candidate to test the techniques on. 'Well, maybe he didn't think about it in as explicit detail as I just did...but then why would he think I'd be able to tolerate' her thoughts were cut off by Ranma's next words.

"Ryo I mean P-chan! What are you doing back here so soon? Weren't you and Ukyo getting acquainted? This is the distraction I needed! I really didn't like the path our conversation was headed down just now. If I didn't get clobbered immediately, maybe I could've...we could've...NO! Good thoughts in! Bad thoughts out! Good thoughts in! Bad thoughts out! Good thoughts in! Bad thoughts out! It's just a hormone-induced mood I'm in all of a sudden. It will pass. With the help of Ryoga I will make it out of this mood alive! P-chan, I'd say you have three seconds before Akane has your head mounted on the wall."

Akane called the little black piglet over, which caused him to drop the backpack he was carrying and leap from the doorway into her arms. "Don't listen to him my little baby! Ranma's just jealous I'm hugging you and not him. He's been cranky all day." She gave him a kiss on his cheek, which caused P-chan's eyes to enlarge. Akane placed the stunned pig on the floor. "I'll be right back P-chan, I have a present for you! Ranma, not a word about ANYTHING till I get back, you hear me?!"

"Yeah, yeah, I hear ya'. After all this, you have a present for the little pork chop? I would've punted him into Mongolia if I were you, but if you say so. She never gave me a present for no reason before. Although, I have a feeling I may not want this gift. Ryoga, I can't tell you why, but be careful. Akane's been acting kinda moody lately. Today she told me she wouldn't mind it if I kissed her after a date. In fact, yesterday we went out to the movies then went out to grab some ice cream. That sounds like a date to me. That means I'm cleared! She can't hold it against me if I finally went for it! She didn't say just how long after the date I could wait! I sound like Nabiki. Speaking of which, Nabiki owes me big time. Since pictures of my girl form somehow wound up on a nudie website, she's been apologizing and trying to figure out how to make it up to me. She swears she didn't do it and doesn't know who did. If I can convince her to make Akane give Kasumi the antidote recipe, I can go for the kiss with only the very good chance of getting the beating of my young life! But, that would kinda be forcing her and I absolutely can't do that. Wait! I'll just ask her if yesterday was a date or not! If she says yes, then I'm sure nothing bad should happen. I mean, it's not like she'd forget something she said that important that quickly, would she? Did that make any sense? I don't know, this has been a long day. Oh, by the way, what were you and Ukyo doing yesterday? It looked like you were choking on something and she was trying to move it out of the way with her tongue. I'm assuming she saved you and you're gonna give up on Akane?"

P-chan blushed as much as his black hide would let him as he slowly nodded. Meanwhile, Akane made it inside and was on the phone.

"Hello, Azusa? This is Akane Tendo...no I don't want to challenge you. I heard it was your birthday soon and called to give you a peace offering...that's right, Charlotte...oh, no reason...k', see you in a few!"

* * *

I know it's been a while. Things have been, well, not too good. If this update was kinda hard to follow, I apologize. I plan on posting a revised version when I eventually post the next chap. Till then, R&R! 


	8. Chapter 8, poor wittle Pchan

I'm back. Again. I've been playing a lot of FFX. It's hard to decide what I want when I have only one Lv 3 Key Sphere. I don't own Ranma or anything else significant. My computer is a 667mhz PIII with Win 98SE, so that's not too valuable. I'm rambling. On with the story.

* * *

"Well Ryoga, I really think you were better off staying at Ukyo's. Akane's in a weird mood today. There's no telling what she's gonna do next. I can't wait for today to be over. First I get drugged, then Akane basically holds me hostage by withholding the antidote and asking me questions that I HAVE to answer truthfully, Kasumi got engaged, Akane's my only viable fiancé now which ain't bad, my old man and Mr. Tendo heard Akane slip up and call me her boyfriend which means they're probably planning the wedding as we speak. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but you have Ukyo now. She was my second choice. If you do anything to hurt her, I swear I will hunt you down and have Ukyo make a Bacon and Ham Okonomiyaki. Got it?" Ranma was staring directly at the pig, who nodded back.

Akane hung up the phone and started to make her way back to the dojo. She happened to have a boiling kettle behind her back. On her way out of the tearoom, she had to step over a passed out Genma and Soun. 'Must've drank too much. Oh well, I guess we'll have to let them sleep it off' she thought as she continued to the dojo.

"I don't know what she's planin', but you should make yourself scarce pretty soon. Since it's mostly my fault, I'll let you know why she's more than a little mad. I sorta kinda slipped up and told her about your curse." P-chan's heart started to pound so hard it threatened to burst through his chest. "There's a good excuse behind it, though! Shampoo drugged me and now I have to tell the truth and what ever I'm thinking at the moment I kinda just blurt out. If you think of taking advantage of that, I won't even try to protect you from Akane. Why should I protect you anyway? You repeatedly slept with her and whenever I tried to stop you from doing something dishonorable, I got mauled by Akane. You know what, screw it. For all I care, she can skin you alive and it won't be enough. Hi Akane." Akane snuck in unnoticed by P-chan. She shut the door and had both hands behind her back.

"You know P-chan, you look a little dirty. Let me clean you off a little!" With that, she took the kettle from behind her back and poured it over the pig.

"Ow! That's hot! Uh oh...um, hi A...ka...ne...oh shit. I can explain everything!" Ryoga had a mixture of dread and surprise on his face as he tried to run away from a very angry Akane. Unfortunately for him, she already had him by his arm and was contorting it into unnatural positions.

"Wow Akane, even I couldn't manage to do that to him! Ryoga, I think you're screwed. Here's your clothes." Ranma took the yellow and brownish clothes from the lost boy's pack and handed it to him. "This ought to be good."

"I'm waiting" was all Akane said.

"It's all Ranma's fault! He pushed me into the cursed spring! Because of him I've" Akane cut him off after pulling up his pants. He was still shirtless.

"Because of him you've seen hell, right?" She wrenched on him arm a little more. "Not good enough! Try again!"

"Oww! All right! That night when I appeared in your room was the first time anyone was kind to me in a while. When you hugged me, I knew I wanted more, and by being your pet I would get it. Owwww! Plus it was a good way to piss off Ranma! Knowing there was someone sharing your bed who wasn't him really pissed him off! If I couldn't win in a head on fight with him, I had to claim any victory I could." Another repositioning of his joints by Akane.

"So sleeping with me...was a victory? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" With her free hand she punched him in the gut.

"I didn't think of it as just a victory. From the moment I met you I thought I loved" again Akane cut him off.

"You don't even WANT to finish that sentence." Akane's voice was emotionless, which scared the hell out of both males in the room.

"Whoa Ryoga, even I've never pissed her off this much. While we're at it, why don't you explain the oath I took to her? After she kills you, can I have your umbrella? It would be good strength training for my girl form. Plus it'll be good to humiliate Kuno with his own kind of weapon. Not to mention never mind I'll shut up now."

"What oath is he talking about?" Akane's voice was still cold.

"He promised not to tell anyone about my curse because it's such a huge weakness."

"So knowing he couldn't tell me that you were my pet, you thought it was ok to be in my room while I changed...wait a sec...didn't you sleep with Nabiki and Kasumi a few times while I was gone?" Her death grip tightened.

"Damn that hurts! Well, yeah, I kinda did. But I'm so sorry I did that! I didn't want to leave because I didn't know when I'd find my way back. It was cold those nights and they were warm. I swear I didn't look at them when they were indecent on purpose." Ryoga was obviously in pain.

Ranma spoke up, "Let me ask you something. Does Kasumi say some umm passionate things in her sleep? One night I was up go use the bathroom and I heard her talking and moving around so I thought she was in trouble. I opened her door and looked inside to make sure she was ok and heard some things I'd rather not repeat. I thought I had to be dreaming and went back to bed."

"Yeah, I couldn't believe my ears at first, but she does. Dr. Tofu doesn't know what he's getting himself into. That hurts you know!" Akane was not letting up on her grasp. "I was only answering Ranma. If anyone should be hurt it's him!"

"Does Ukyo know?" Akane seemed to calm down a bit with the question.

"Yeah, she knows. That's why I came over here. She said the only way me and her can be together is if I confessed what I did to you face to face. She told me after I face any punishment you give me she'd consider it history and try to forget it happened. So Akane, I know whatever you and Ranma may do to me I deserve. Please get it over with. I won't fight back."

"I ain't gonna do anything to you. Akane's pissed enough without me interfering. The only thing I'll do is watch. As long as that's all right with you. Is it, Akane?"

Akane gave Ranma a peck on the cheek. "I heard you talking to Ryoga earlier after I left the dojo. Now there's no need to go to Nabiki and don't worry, I won't beat you or anything. Just wait till later, k?" Akane let go of Ryoga, who immediately started to rub his shoulder and elbow.

"So Ranma wasn't lying. Well, it's about time someone made a move on someone else. Nabiki said you two were driving her nuts with all the tension between you. I thought she was kidding, but guess not." There was a knock on the door.

"Oh, that must be our guest! Come in!" Akane said almost cheerfully.

"Give Azusa her Charlotte!" The psychotically bubbly skater entered the dojo.

"Hold on a sec! I want to show you a magic trick Charlotte can do!" Akane said as she doused the stunned lost boy with cold water.

"How cuuuute! Come here Charlotte! Do that trick again!" Azusa was giddy with excitement over the trick her new pet pig could do.

Akane told Azusa how to make her pig do his new trick, "all you need to do is splash him with boiling water to turn him into a human, and to turn him back into a cute pig again, hit him with cold water. Just don't use too much boiling water. He might complain a little."

Azusa picked up 'Charlotte' and made her way out the door. "Come on Charlotte! You can sleep on Francois! Just wait till Marianne can see what you do! Thank you Akane!" The poor little pig had yet to move a muscle after seeing Azusa, and now he was gone.

"I feel better! Let Ukyo rescue him if she wants. Now Ranma, where were we before Azusa came by? Oh yes, the book. What did you mean by me being able to tolerate something? Hmmm?" Akane leaned her face questioningly into Ranma's, who was still stunned after being kissed by Akane and seeing Azusa. Both events shocked Ranma to the point where he was speechless, which meant he also wasn't capable of thinking at the moment.

"Well, I, uhhhh, did you just give Azusa Ryoga?" Ranma finally managed to sputter out.

"Yes I did. Now stop changing topics." Akane replied.

Another chapter done. We haven't seen the last of Charlotte, but I'm not gonna save him. I really think this is proper punishment for him. I promise more Ranma/Akane stuff. I'm still trying to figure out how to write kinda almost mushy things that actually fit into the Ranmaverse. The anime wasn't mushy at all and neither am I. I'm planning on two more chapters then all done! Anyway, read and review. Bye for now!


	9. Chapter 9

I'm back. I don't own Ranma ½. My cat had a chipmunk, but then she found out they were crunchy.

* * *

"Well? I'm waiting..." Akane was starting to get slightly impatient. Ranma's been stalling for ten minutes and counting.

"Did you know Riboflavin is one of the B Vitamins? Why do they number the same letter of vitamin? Instead of calling it vitamin B12, why not call it vitamin 12 or something? I'm running out or ideas. Oh well, all good things must come to an end. I didn't know I knew this much stuff! School must be doing something! Oh no! What if I run out of room in my brain from learning too much in school?! Will I start to forget martial arts techniques? Wait, that's not possible, the old fossil knows a lot and knows a ton of martial arts secrets and she doesn't act full. If I make Akane wait any longer, she'll get angry at me and I don't like it when she's angry. I get hurt when she's angry." Ranma was starting to panic. Again.

"I'll make you a deal. If you tell me, I promise I won't get angry or hit you. Consider it a freebie."

"Well, ok, but just don't take it the wrong way." He sighs and continues, "There are certain...things...in the book that if done wrong could reeeeeeeeeeally hurt, but if done right apparently feel reeeeeeeeeeeeeally, um, good. Since I figured we're going to be doing..._things_...in order to produce an heir, we might as well, you know, have fun. I thought since I have absolutely no experience in the field of..._that_...my first partner might have to be more tolerant and patient with me. Wow, Akane's really cute when she's embarrassed! Her cheeks are really red! Maybe if I keep up this line of talk I can turn her purple! No, wait, purple means she's suffocating and I don't want that. Maybe I could tell her of the dream I had the other night? No, that would just get me murdered for being a pervert. It's one thing to have a dream of your wedding night, but it's a totally different thing to get ideas from it! We did things that weren't in any of the Anything Goes Marital Arts manuals! I got her! Her entire head is blushing! This is fun, and I don't care if she smacks me. Since I don't want to physically hurt her or embarrass her in public, I'll have to settle for this. It was weird though, we didn't do any stretches before hand and I've _never_ seen anyone contort themselves like we did! Uh oh...battle aura blazing...back off ...this may hurt for a while, but it was worth it." Ranma ducked onto his knees and covered his head with his hands.

'I promised not to get angry or hit. I promised not to get angry or hit. I promised...wait' Her inner chant was interrupted with a rather embarrassing realization. "Ranma, you mean to tell me you've been...dreaming about me...us...doing _that_! What put that idea in your hormonal little brain?" Her battle aura vanished due to the shock.

"Well, after seeing Ukyo and Ryoga together, I knew the fiancée wars were over. You were the official winner in my mind, so for the first time I got to thinking about how the future would play out. I started thinking about the wedding as I was heading to bed, and I guess I just didn't stop thinking. I am kinda disappointed, though. I had a whole speech prepared asking if ya' would marry me and everything and wanted it to be a surprise, but too late now. Well, since you already know what I was gonna ask, can I have an answer soon? If you want time to think, I could always do something that requires my complete and total concentration to give you some silence or at least you'd know I wasn't paying attention to you thinking. Did that make any sense to you?"

"Could I hear that speech anyway? It might help me make my decision a little faster." Akane was blushing, again, and was playing with her fingers.

"I don't know why. I mean, you already know what it's about and stuff. Can't we just skip that and save me a lot more embarrassment? What difference would it make?"

Akane's blush disappeared as she clenched her teeth and closed her fists. "Well Ranma, a girl just needs to _hear_ certain things!" She had her fake smile on, showing her clenched teeth. Ranma knew that look meant pain in the near future. He frantically searched his clothes.

"Since you put it that way, here it is!" He pulled out a large sheet of very crumbled paper. "Ahem. Akane. We both know I'm no good at this kind of thing but I'm trying my best. I know we fight a lot and I call you uncute and tomboy and poke fun of your fighting skills. I know the past few years have been difficult for you with me and my father barging in unexpectedly and you having to deal with an engagement neither one of us wanted. I know I make you angry when I refuse to eat your food. I know when we first met we hated each other. But slowly that changed. It started when I was under the influence of the Nekoken in the schoolyard. From what I understand, I kissed you. When I'm a cat, my feelings towards individuals is shown. That's why I clawed Kuno and my old man. When I heard I kissed you, I was scared. I didn't know if you cried because you were embarrassed or if I was really a bad kisser. That was the very first time I initiated any kind of kiss. Sure, Shampoo tried to suck the air out of my lungs through my lips and for some reason I'm having faint flashbacks of some blue-eyed freak, but I wanted no part of either of them. During the Romeo and Juliet performance at school, I was so hesitant to kiss you because I was afraid if we started, I wouldn't want to stop. When Ukyo came back into my life, I could tell you were a little jealous of how close me and her were. All I considered her to be was my best friend. Nothing more. I mean she's tried kissing me a few times, but I really didn't want that. I'd feel like I was cheating on you although we would admit there was nothing going on between us. Well, I'm tired of denying it. I know if I say it, our fathers will manage to mess things up worse than they already have. Nabiki will have us in debt forever and word will spread around school. The Kunos and Amazons will get more aggressive in their attempts to break us up. I don't care anymore. They are nothing that can't be dealt with later. What I'm trying to say is I love you. I'm not sure when exactly I realized it, but I think it was while the Oorochi kidnapped you. I knew if he wanted to hurt you while he had you, I couldn't do a thing about it. It nearly drove me insane till I saw you were pretty much ok. I never want to leave you and let that happen again. There's only one way that can happen. I know technically we're engaged already and it seems like we've accepted that. However it still feels forced and the last thing I want to do is force you into something you have no desire to do. I'm already the cause of too much stress for you and your family. But, I like it here and want to keep calling this place Home. I know we may not get along all the time. I'll still call you uncute and tomboy, but when I say those things I really don't mean it. It's just to get you riled up. I think you're very cute, especially when you smile. Anyway, I'm done stalling. Here I go. Akane, will you marry me?" Ranma put the paper away and looked at Akane.

Her eyes were flooded in tears as she gave her response.

* * *

Well, that was the first piece of mush I have ever written. I tried to make it as in character as possible. It was harder than I thought it would be. Remember he wrote this the day before this all happened. I'm off to bed now. R&R!

Author notes added after posting this chap since I'm not allowed to devote a chapter to them: Coming up I will be having some medical proceedures done. I also have some other things to deal with and I won't be able to write a satisfactory conclusion for a few weeks with these distractions. I promise we'll see P-chan again, although I can't promise he'll be rescued. I like him with Azusa. Ranma will get even with Akane. It won't be a purely violent revenge, although Akane will just wish for Ranma to burn the rest of her wardrobe. Sorry if Ranma didn't seem angry enough, but like I've said before, this is fan fiction. OOCness is inevitable, although I tried to keep it down to a minimum. Eventually I plan to rewrite the whole story. I know I said I planned to post a re-edited chapter 7 (I think it was 7), but I kept finding little things that bothered me in other chapters. There won't be any major plot changes, although I will have more questions asked, which makes for a longer story and hopefully more babbling by Ranma. It's pretty easy to write the rambling parts. When I was a Sophomore at my community college, I used to sit infront of the screen and write my thoughts as they came. I had well over 60 pages single spaced before my floppy died. Anyway, thanks for reading! The final chapter should be up sometime late this month.


	10. Chpater 10

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Never will.

I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to finish this! There have been butt loads of problems that required my attention. Anyway, here's the conclusion.

* * *

"Yes!" Akane screamed as she ran over to Ranma and flung her arms around him. She rested her head in the crook of his neck and let her tears flow freely onto Ranma's shirt. 

"Her hair is so soft and it smells so pretty! Why can't I have hair like that when I'm a girl? Whoa! She said yes! I won't have to commit seppuku! Our dads can stop bugging us! No, I'm sure they'll try to throw together a quickie wedding and become huge pains in the rear. My chest is wet. That means she's crying. Oh no. Akane! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" Ranma quickly disengaged from the hug and showed off his mastery of the Crouch of the Wild Tiger.

"I'm not crying because I'm sad, dummy! I'm happy that I've been proposed to properly!" Akane wiped the tears off of her face then offered Ranma her hand. "You can get up now, we're not done hugging yet."

"We're not? Ok, I don't mind. It's actually kinda nice." He took her hand, stood up, and continued hugging each other. "Yup, this feels about right."

"Sure does."

At this point, both of their voices were nothing more than whispers.

"Hey Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"How long did you have that whole proposal prepared?"

"Oh, a few months now. I wrote it mentally during our trip out to that little resort themed around that haunted doll. I was gonna try to get you all alone with no distractions, but we both know what happened at that place. After we got back, the right opportunity hardly ever presented itself. When it did, the mood would be ruined by either a fiancée or that old pervert. Eventually I just gave up."

"I see."

"This is real nice and all, but do you think I could have the remedy now? I'd like to have a strictly internal monologue."

Her voice became even weaker as she said, "there is no remedy."

Ranma pushed Akane and put his hands on her shoulders as his voice returned to normal. "What do you mean there's no remedy? You mean I'm stuck like this? Quit kidding around!"

"I'm not kidding. It should've worn off about five minutes ago…".

'You're tellin' me I've been able to keep my mouth shut for the past five minutes? Hey, she was right! Yay for me! But why wouldn't you oh yeah, I have to TRY to speak now.' Ranma finally spoke, "Why didn't you tell me so? And what the heck was it you were writing down?"

"I was writing down the ingredients to a stew dish I wanted to try. It seemed simple enough for me not to screw up too badly. And if I told you it wore off, would you have gone through with the whole confession?" Akane appeared to start to tear up again.

"Well, eventually I would have told ya'. I would've liked to pick the time and place, but at least now you know how I feel. Although, I'm not too happy with how it happened."

"You must hate me now…" A few tears started to run down her cheek.

"Well, I can kinda almost see why you did what you did. I think I have a way to pay you back for what you did."

"I'm sorry Ranma! After you burnt my underwear I was furious! If you want, I'll never cook again, I'll burn my mallets, I'll try to stop acting like such a tomboy, I'll" she was cut off when Ranma put his hand over her mouth.

"You don't have to do any of that. Yes, your cooking could use a lot of work and being malleted sucks, I think I like you even more because you are a tomboy. No, what I had in mind will be much harder than anything you've come up with, but it's past due. I needed a reason to do this and this little stunt is the perfect reason." When he was done speaking, he removed his hand.

"I'm listening…" There was a hint of fear in her voice. 'He turned down an opportunity to escape my food forever? What does he have in mind?'

"Well, you know how my pop likes to wake me up before breakfast and we beat the hell out of each other for a couple of minutes?"

"Yeah, it's hard to ignore."

"Well, I think I'm gonna have to start tossing you out of bed and into the yard every morning from now on."

"Why would you do that? I wake up early as it is to go jogging! I don't see how throwing me out into the yard is such a big deal." She gave Ranma a puzzled look.

"That's when I'm going to start your training session. Every morning bright and early. Rain, snow, sleet, sun, locusts, doesn't matter."

"You're…going to start training…me?" Akane was ecstatic.

"Yup. You're going to have to start defending yourself from Shampoo and the old ghoul soon after they find out we've made the engagement official. You'll also be able to stop Happosai when I'm not around. It's going to be tough but I won't take it easy on you at all. If I make things too easy for you, you won't improve any. Am I clear?"

Akane responded the only way she could think of by wrapping her arms around Ranma and pushing her lips to his.

----

Meanwhile, at Azusa's mansion…

"Charlotte! Come back here! Chaaaaaarlotte!" Azusa was frantically searching her room for her little black pig. She turned to a rather large teddy bear, "Pierre, go find Charlotte! Pierre?" she started knocking on the bear's head. "Well if you won't help me find my little Charlotte, you're grounded!" Of course, the bear gave no response. "Fine, be that way! You're grounded for a week!"

P-chan somehow found his way out the front gate and ran away as quickly as his stumpy little pig legs would carry him. 'God, Kami, Allah, Buddha, whoever! If you guide me back to Ukyo I promise I'll never take advantage of anyone again! I'll even forgive Ranma! Pleeeeeease? I'm begging you!' Of course all that came out was, "Bweeeeeeeeeeeee!"

----

Back at the Tendo Dojo

Ranma was shocked at first, but then realized what was happening and wrapped his arms around Akane and leaned into the kiss.

Neither knew how long the kiss lasted, but just before it broke, Ranma heard the sound of the door closing.

"Did I just witness the first real kiss?" It was Nabiki.

Ranma and Akane reluctantly broke off their kiss before turning toward the middle sister while blushing brightly. Akane was the first to speak up. "Well, yeah. Kinda." Ranma was still speechless.

"Since neither of you are adamantly denying it, something happened between you two while I was gone, am I right?"

"Well, Ranma proposed to me, I said yes, then he said he wanted to train me, and then, well…" Akane's voice trailed off.

"It's about damn time he made a move. I was beginning to think you both were afraid of catching cooties. Do they know?" She nodded her head in the direction of the two passed out fathers.

"They don't know anything about the proposal or the training. You might want to ask Kasumi about why they're sloshed." Akane's blush subsided. "What's going on between you and Kuno? Ranma told me you two were out on a date." Ranma still didn't make so much as a peep.

"He said he was tired of being ignored by both his tree-borne kettle girl and Akane. Once he realized I actually paid some attention to him and help him when the two of you knock him unconscious, he was grateful. It's nothing serious yet, so don't worry. You two aren't in danger of becoming related to the Kunos." Nabiki smiled as she turned to make her way out the door. "Feel free to get mushy again, I won't use it against you."

Ranma came out of his trance as soon as Nabiki closed the door. "You heard her Akane," he whispered in her ear as he hugged her from behind. "I don't remember our first kiss, but I'll remember that one."

She stared into his eyes while she spoke, "You know, I wouldn't mind doing that again…"

And they did.

* * *

I'm sooooooooooooo sorry it took me this long to post this! I plan on rewriting some parts, including this one. I'll probably release the (hopefully) improved version within a few months. I have to be in the mood to sit down and do actual writing. So far I plan on just making the new version a new story instead of amending this one. I hope you enjoyed! 


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